07.08.20
And then
once again
In a fraction of a second
I can see behind the mends
that I have made up in my head.
All is said
So much dread
As I lay there in my bed my mind is
racing through the theories
marking everything in red
I thought this time was different
and I thought I really meant the things
I wanted to achieve but once again
I just deceive
my self
on the shelf
is a dusty book I used to know
but there it lies, it goes to show
my dedication's at a low
And I stare
It's right here
I can see the shadows glaring
through my intricately fabricated
mask that I've been wearing
I was daring
I've been sharing
bearing and comparing
I was wearing non-emotion
but inside I kept on tearing up the
shreads and broken pieces,
Toxins seep into the creases
and they keep me from achieving
and my other side from leaving
I'm bleeding
needing
and feeding of the waste that keeps on
leading me to continue with this
detrimental seeding
As I sit
death grip
I watch the terror rising as it
leads straight to my angel's slow
and pitiful demise
my nature shines
unbinds
and finds its way into my life
and takes control of things I thought
I've purged with bruise and knife
Suddenly
I see
I am using assets that I've feared in
ways that I have never neared
resulting from how I was reared
I'm scared
not prepared
as I stand before a demon that has taken
all my reason and exists in my emotion
I can't win this time around, I think
my cry is being drowned, I sink
into my other self
nonchallant becomes a frown
I'm down
Hit the ground
I'm surrounded by my parasite it feeds
on pleasures that I try to fight and needs
to find fulfillment, day and night
I am bent
I am spent
There's a dent within my will and I
am melting, my heart spills until it's empty
I take pills, shut the devistation out
let the blood flow from the spout
Heartless moments touching lives as body
whispers seductive lies, destructive
eyes piercing their souls and
wanting more, I'm switching roles
turn it off to block the toll
eyes dull
pounding skull
there's a hole that can't be filled but still
my nature's stubborn will will try
to quench it's thirsty need
and so I bleed
I see
I can't be around them now or else
I'll hinder them somehow and so
I'll choose this time around to try
and keep the hunger down
I lose
I must choose
so I choose to walk away, please
keep a distance from my space
there's nothing here behind this face
let all the memories erase
Please forget about my face and
let the memories erase
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